We’ve all been there before. One minute, you’re having a great text back-and-forth with a guy and then BAM! You suddenly get ghosted. It can be really alarming, especially if you really thought the relationship was going well. It can also cause you to overthink — was it something you said? Did you accidentally offend him? You might go into panic mode, wondering whether or not to delete his text chain or keep texting back. Take a deep breath and follow these steps first.
Make sure he actually was gone for a significant time.
When you’re really into someone, a 15-minute delay might seem like a full day. Don’t let your excitement cloud your common sense. If the two of you are just feeling each other out, it’s possible he’s dating multiple people. It’s also possible he’s got a lot of home obligations and isn’t constantly glued to his phone. Think up the many possibilities before you land on “he’s ghosting me.”
Turn your phone off.
This will be hard. Phones have become somewhat of a lifeline, so it may seem odd to leave it on the charger for a bit, but it’s important to take a mental break. Waiting for someone to text back or reply back can take up a lot of emotional energy. Channel that into something else. Watch something new on TV, or buy an adult coloring book and start channeling your energy elsewhere. The longer you take phone breaks, the more you’ll learn how to separate yourself from technology. (Plus, if he does write text back during this time, it’ll feel good to let him wait until you finish your other activity.)
Take a walk.
Walks are very restorative, and it’s a good way to get out of the house. Put on a great podcast, and focus on the walk. Just make sure not to keep checking your phone. This is a natural (and free!) way to feel better and give yourself a bit of a break before planning your next move.
Think about what you said.
Maybe your last text wasn’t very clear. It’s hard to get a response back if someone isn’t too sure how to respond. That said, if a guy really liked you, he’d bypass that strange text and change the topic to keep talking to you. After a brief break away from your phone, review the last few messages of the chat. Did you possibly say something off-putting? Was he responding in just one or two-word answers? If so, this might not be the love connection you initially thought it was in the moment.
Give it a few days.
Allow yourself to text once after the silence and make sure that the text is open and friendly. Instead of “where have you been?” or “Wow, guess you don’t like me after all!” try something much less accusatory. Something like, “Hey, how’s your week? Wanted to know if you wanted to get together” is fine. It shows that you still have an interest but it’s not overbearing. The hardest step? Leaving it at that.
Check and see if he’s active on other networks.
This isn’t to be sneaky, it’s to make sure he’s okay. It’s possible something happened that caused him to stop responding. If he’s liked images on Instagram or posted a recent TikTok, you know it’s not a medical concern. He’s simply choosing not to engage right now.
Give yourself a time out on the text thread if you start to drink.
Even seasoned drinkers may feel a little emotional after a glass or two of red wine. If this is someone you’re still in the process of getting to know, realize that drunk ramblings or accusations may send the wrong message. You need to be the bigger person here. They may have ceased communication for an unknown reason, but that shouldn’t give you permission to spam them with your heavy emotions.
Set up a timeline.
Sometimes, you might be “the other girl” or “the rebound” without even realizing it. It’s possible that this guy does like you, but is still processing a messy breakup. You need to set a date on the calendar — preferably two weeks after your last text attempt — and tell yourself that that’s the day you’ll officially move on. There are a lot of fish in the sea, so you don’t want to form an unhealthy attachment to someone who’s already let you down once.
Don’t talk yourself down.
It’s way easier to blame yourself than blame then. If you start thinking that he stopped talking to you because of your hair, or your weight, or your nose, you’re putting yourself into a deep hole of self-pity. You’re beautiful and special just as you are — and, it’s a shame this guy had other things going on that caused him to miss out on getting to know you better. Dust yourself off and get back into the game.
Consider yourself lucky. Would you want to date someone so flaky that they can’t even communicate back with you? The right person won’t play games and will tell it to you like it is. Good people give closure to situations like this. In a way, it’s almost like you dodged a bullet.
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